Early bird...

                                                   

Ive been awake since 6:30 and got out of bed at 7:00, i showered and catered to my pets :)  been kinda stressed, im always stressed thoe. I don't know if i want to fall down to my knees and cry or pray, maybe do both... part of me wants to punch a wall and kill the pain with pain and yet another part of me would like to just laugh about it because i don't know what else to do and they say laughter is the medicine to the soul. I don't want to become bitter.. Sometimes i don't know what else to believe in anymore or in who.. people always tend to let you down. I don't know what people want from me? i can never seem to make them happy .. i cant even make my own self happy... That's why for the most part i rather be alone. No need to trust, no need to put my self out there. Leaving my heart to wait to be cremated. My dad and i haven't had the best relationship, he is always working and well he is not the easiest man to get a long with, he is a hard ass. Despite of his cold attitude toward my family and i, i always knew he loves us.  i excepted that he doesn't like to express love and that's prolly why i find it hard to trust people ..All this isn't knew to me,  i admire about my dad is his hardworking nature and the fact that he was faithful to my mom. i never realized how much his faithfulness to my mother meant to me until he broke it. Its been almost 3 years since are blind folds were taken away and we found out about his mistress that only lives 5 min away from us.. its been hard ... and yet here we are again.. i don't get involved anymore because i cant change him and all that's gonna happen is gonna me end up resenting him. When i first got my heart broken it was because i was cheated on then a month later i find out that my father  is doing the same. There goes my inspiration.. I realize how cheating is so common. The betrayal and lack of trust or loyalty, and the lies, i hate the lies. Where is the love? and i find its not just about dating, but in general. you get fucked over for those same reasons.. so my faith is a little shaken.  But i still try, i try to love even if im not putting my self completely out there. I try to keep my faith strong, it is a lot easier to trust and love God because he wont betray me or leave me, only He excepts me for everything i am and everything i am not.