Faithfuldame

Lord please help me... I don't know my self well enough. I've been growing impatient. I get anxiety and scared... All I want is to feel free... I want to loose control and let the night take me...

Its been a while since i last written... Life is moving forward .... and in a good way i believe. I thank God  for all the beautiful changes in my life. it is true with faith anything is possible. I still find my self dealing with anxiety now and then, i over analyze too much but im learning to better cope with things and im trying to be stronger and patient. Love has found me once again.. after years of hiding it found me, quiet unexpected. But a very beautiful surprise. I don't know whats in store for me in the future but i find my self very confidant and happy at the moment, i truly feel i have Gods blessing on this one. I never thought i could feel this way again, at least not for a long time. To be honest this love is so different from my previews one. This relationship is so beautiful in many ways... ive never been this honest with anyone or this comfortable. This love is truly pure .. We respect each other and are very loving toward one another, its amazing to see things w...

I'm Lost and Lonely, Living in a world without you. But I have No Fear, because now I'm Justified and I'm not living In the Shadows. In my Life, I feel Guilty but I'm Still Standing. I've been Shot by the Ghost of Love. Now I sail away, from Lucifer's Angel and remember the First Day of my Life.

Life is getting better... So many dreams and goals i wish to accomplish. I don't have anything to hold me back anymore. Im a little scared but i am very determined. I know the Navy is the best choice for me, it will take me out of my comfort zone and challenge me. Its going to be a lonely life and i prolly wont have a significant other, but i need to learn to be on my own and happy before i can even try to get into a relationship.I cant let what happen in my last relationship happen again. Putting my dreams to a stop for someone that drop me in a heartbeat. I resented him a lot and i became bitter. I suppose God has someone for me that will be patient and understanding toward me. All my life ive been overly protected and to an extend secluded from the world and lectured about culture. I want to live my life to the fullest.. i wanna explore the world and meet new people. And when the time is right id like to meet someone to be with, because in the end i would like to have my happy ...

                                                                     This i a topic i have been avoiding and in denial about.... LOVE..... Love is a quality given to us by our Lord, its beautiful... i want to keep loving ..id like to fight for love but its not always so easy ... Besides my family theirs a few people i love with all my heart.. some have been so loyal and trust worthy, that it still blows my mind to realize this person really exist .. others have come into my life as mentors and comfort me with kind words and they remind me of what i want out of life..and then their are others that are just make me laugh and its very easy to love them in...

                                                    Ive been awake since 6:30 and got out of bed at 7:00, i showered and catered to my pets :)  been kinda stressed, im always stressed thoe. I don't know if i want to fall down to my knees and cry or pray, maybe do both... part of me wants to punch a wall and kill the pain with pain and yet another part of me would like to just laugh about it because i don't know what else to do and they say laughter is the medicine to the soul. I don't want to become bitter.. Sometimes i don't know what else to believe in anymore or in who.. people always tend to let you down. I don't know what people want from me? i can never seem to make them happy .. i cant even make my own self happy... That'...

                                                            Im not sure why i am writing today.. i don't really have a particular issue i would like to vent about.. So im just going to write about anything that randomly pops in my mind. Here we go!!!!! First of  I love The Zombies!!!! Hands down one of my favorite bands!! That old school rhythm  and sexy calm vocals, blows my fuckin mind away.. I always felt that i was born in the wrong era, times or whatever, ah well cant change that. Well im a pretty big HIM fan as well, im waiting for them to tour again. Ville Valo has amazing vocals in my opinion, he can sing super high pitch and low and deep. But even more his lyrics are gold... th...

I am so excited to go back to college! i know life is not easy and most things come with a cost or sacrifice. Its not my nature to sit and home and do nothing. I like working and doing something productive, however i hit a bit of a stoop along the way. But that does not change my nature or the extinct i have, lord knows i cant change. My mind is surrounded by plans,dreams and goals, i want to achieve. Ive been through a lot but like they say " what hurts you, only makes you stronger".  So im going to work hard and accomplish my dreams! i wanna go out of my comfort zone!   So many places i wanna visit... im excited to meet new people and learn new things and to find love .... Become my true self and have joy in my life :)

  Been very confused lately ... i know it all goes back to the same reason, not living my life to the fullest. Ah well life is moving forward. i do see a change in my life, maybe not as fast as i like it to be  but its going. Im trying to be strong and remain my true self but at times i don't even know who i really am. Ive been trying to please everyone for so long that i forget what i want. i became so tired of being defiant that it was much easier to conform. I just wanna be free.... I want to be a good person, live my life to the fullest, and i want love.... i know right now love is impossible for me...but i do dream about my happy ending and although Ive known some pretty bad guys, i still have hope. We all need love, its only natural. i suppose... But i always have the worst luck with that. Being the hopeless romantic that i am, i always put all my faith on someone who would surely break it. It is much easier and wiser to put all my faith and love in God because i know he...

Its been a while since ive written and i tried to keep it constant .. but here I am once again. Ive been thinking a lot lately about who i am and what i want out of life, one thing is for sure i don't give a fuck what anyone's opinion or thoughts regarding my life are. Listen I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!! Im not trying to impress anyone and unless u have been in my shoes or know exactly what my life has been like, i really don't want to hear it. At the same time i too realize that i need to stop asking people about my life when in reality deep down inside i truly know the answers. I hate it when people under estimate me... My family and some friends ... but u know they really don't matter. Even my family as much as i love them our values and morals are different and as much as over the years they have tried to mold me into their ways and have me conform to the Mexican culture. I will never change, Lord knows i cant change. I know what im capable of and i know what i want. ...

I don't know who you are ... Just know that I'm waiting for you And I've already begun to love you  Because i love guided by Gods path is pure Somewhere in the world you are  And ill be forever faithful  Know that I'm not perfect  In fact I'm broken but I'm slowly  Collecting my self, your peace will be my last missing match At this moment everything seems perfect.. According to plan..  Waiting is no burden...  I'm restrained and committed to you

   Today was an over all amazing day, Once again God kindness has worked in my life. I consider my self to be a very weird person, im very emotional and sentimental but pass event have made me become harder and have that " i don't give a fuck attitude"  I rather walk away than be left, rather keep wondering than face some sort of rejection. Many people have fucked me over one way or another, so i stopped caring and trying to be nice and put my self out there. but these couple years i have matured a lot and realize what really is important in life.  And hated the person i was becoming... so cold,too hard, and bitter... i realized i was unpleasant... i almost lost my best qualities, compassion and kindness... i was becoming numb... frozen in time... i didn't wanna feel pain but in the process i lost all feelings. I remember thinking Ive lost my close friends.. that's not a good thing... so i man up. I wrote a special someone a msg after a year i have yet to hear fro...

Its time to rise... Patience is virtue, this is true. Opportunities come and go and I'm not letting this one go!  Mentally i will be tested but with faith anything is possible. I will do everything as gracefully as possible.  What does that exactly mean? it means i know whats right and whats wrong. I don't want to become a jerk with a cold heart. I will remain my true self and above all never let my warmth and love slip away rather embrace it and spread it. You can be a kind and a strong person, i want to become a better person at heart. This hatred or sadness i carry is a burden i wish to get rid of.  I want to reach my full potential and travel the world. We all have a purpose or should i say mission in life, and its time i completed mine.  I want the world to see my true self.. I want my family to see the real person i am, instead of always backing down and biting my tongue. I need to free my self and become what i was meant to become. I have this craving for more...

I have so many dreams... Among them  i wish to become a bride and marry i wonderful man and have children. I would like to have that fairytale ending... When i love i love hard... sometimes i get discouraged, thinking it hard to find a good faithful man out there . However, i truly believe in soul mates. I know God has someone out there specifically for me . Although im not where i would like to be in life right now, my faith keeps me strong. Im not perfect but i am a dreamer and my faith keeps me from going insane... Im broken but im slowly putting my peaces together and becoming a warrior, im unleashing my inner strength. These obstacles will not defeat me! a few nights ago a phrase came into to my head .... " keep dreaming because i will give you all the tools you need to accomplish them, just keep having faith in me"  I hear you father :) Your love and my faith will guide me. I promise, whatever happens i shall always glorify you. Your love shall be my shield :) I know yo...

Let me be free and wonder into the vast universe  Let me drive for hours until my mind is satisfied  Let me sing out loud as if no one was watching  Let forget you as if i never knew you Let me be happy even if its just for a moment Let me be angry and hate the world Let me embrace my depression, even sorrows are beautiful Let me keep fighting even if i die trying  Let me leave when everything has been said and done  Let me keep dreaming until i fall a sleep But never ever let me loose my faith..

Last night i finally threw out that dreaded box that had been hiding under my bed, in it i found lost memories of love...I no longer cared for such things...I freed my self from you a long time ago. Its wasn't bad at all, their was a time in my life where i couldn't even dream of throwing my once treasures away...Surprisingly it brought a smile out of me. The resentments have pass.. i threw away most things but i kept a couple of photographs..As a token of the person i used to be, as the reminder that i wont make the same mistakes again, this is the souvenir i take away that made me the strong person i am today, and lastly the lost memories of my first love but not my soul mate.

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects his heart and his lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support the man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not t...

Ive been having a sort of recap of my life, and im trying to understand why i am the way i am. And how different circumstances could have changed everything... i cant change the pass but i want to learn from it. im having a hard time with life right now, im struggling. The only people i have and love are the ones that hurt me the most. I wish i was stronger and truly didn't cared . I think certain obstacles take that away from me...Sometimes i feel so different specially compared to my family members. im growing up so i have my own thoughts, values, and morals and i dont always agree with them. We have all had a tough life... People are miserable, and you know the saying "misery loves company", right? Its just gets too much for me to handle and they dont get that. Dont they understand that this is not they way anyone envisions their life?maybe they have conformed to it ... they think im weak because i cry ... it just so happens that since birth crying has been a sign tha...

When you’re feeling lonely, look up at the moon. Somewhere, someone is staring at the same moon, feeling lonely too.

“A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn’t care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple, and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not.. Sometimes it took a dog with bad breath, worse manners, and pure intentions to help us see.”

“Whatever will happen will happen, but choose your companions with care. Choose them because you like to look at them and you like the sound of their voices, and they have profound secrets in them that you wish to know. In other words, choose them because you love them. Otherwise you will not be able to bear their company for very long.” Anne Rice

This year will be my year!!!! Everything i have been waiting for will hopefully come true:) I am a dreamer, a lover, and a fighter..... My constant devotion to achieve my dreams will not go in vain. But most importantly my love and faith to Christ, reassures me everything will be okay . Through all the darkness i see and feel a warm light.  I know whats its like to be depressed, i know the feeling of being overcome with darkness and hopelessness. Regardless i keep in mind that life is beautiful and theirs still many wonders i would like to explore... Ive been learning to speak Finnish, its such a beautiful language. I plan to travel to Finland as soon as the opportunity comes along.I will continue to practice my baking and i plan to enroll into a better culinary school. But we will see the option of joining the Navy is still up in the air.... i pray that God will guide me to my correct path :)               ...